Friday, January 1, 2010

Abramelin Ordeal and Bornless One Invocation - Final Actions

I have completed the Abramelin Lunar Ordeal and I must proclaim that is was not only a success, but it was also the three most difficult days of the entire seven week process. Never have I been so thoroughly tested by an ordeal, and never having successfully concluding it have I ever been so completely relieved and full of joy. I have performed the Bornless One invocation before, but never have the results been so clear and powerful. What I can say is that I have achieved the knowledge and conversation with my Holy Guardian Angel, whom I have perceived as my higher self or augoeides. I have the magickal name of this entity, which I can use to call and summon it to me whenever needed, the magickal ring that acts as a constant link to this being, and it also revealed to me its image and essence, all of which has never happened before. So I would grade the newly developed ordeal as highly successful and much more accessible to individuals who don’t have a large amount of time on their hands to perform the original ordeal, as found in either the French or German versions of the Book of Abramelin. I believe that I have personally proven that this new ordeal not only works, but could represent a new and exciting path for ritual magicians to follow. It also brings to mind the issue of whether one must as a rule follow the dictates of the old grimoires in performing these workings, or whether a new and more accessible methodology can be developed to replace the older traditional ways. I will take up this issue in a future article, since I certainly have an opinion on the matter and experience to back it up. For now we will focus on what I can tell you of the last three days of my ordeal.


December 28 through December 29

I began the Abramelin ordeal - the three days of atonement, purification and spiritual surrender, at dawn on Monday. I anointed my forehead with scented oil and placed upon it a sprinkling of ash from my thurible. I spent probably a good forty minutes of prayer before my shrine, reciting the mantram over and over “I am unworthy to come nigh unto you, Oh my God!” I abased myself completely and felt loathsome and miserable, as I believed I should feel to accomplish the task of full and complete atonement. I was fully expecting to continue this process for some time when I felt a powerful presence come before me and a voice commanded me to cease this activity at once. Of course this interrupted what I was doing, and the voice continued to instruct me in a milder tone. It told me that when the Book of Abramelin was written centuries ago that the Jewish tradition of allocating “holy guardian angels” did not exist (it was developed as part of the unofficial doctrine of Christianity). God would set a guardian angel upon a prophet or a holy man, but not an ordinary person. Thus one would be required to perform exceptional acts of piety and atonement in order to achieve this great boon from God. However, Christian doctrine had (since the 5th century) adopted the belief that everyone had a guardian angel, who acted as an intermediary, so anyone could access their holy guardian angel as a matter of their birth right. The voice said: “You are only presuming to seek union with your higher self, which is your right, not attempting to assume and pretend to be God."

So atonement in this ordeal is not required to be excessive, only to purify myself and to make me ready to surrender to the greater power of my higher self. I may pray, meditate, make heartfelt and soulful devotions to the Godhead (that I have already invoked), enact fasting and purification, and seek to open myself completely to what will follow on the third day. The six previous weekends have already taken my measure, as it were, so there is little reason to abase myself at this juncture.

I acknowledged this wisdom, bowing my head, and proceeded to the next task, purification and devotions. I read the various poems of Rumi, Hafiz, Kabir, and others (Song of Songs) to prepare my mind for the working. Other than some very mundane tasks (such as shoveling snow) I did nothing else for the duration of this time. I fasted the whole first day, and ate only bread and drank water to break my fast after the sun had gone down. I also noticed that the ash had quickly disappeared from my head, and so later that evening I performed a thorough ablutions as part of the purification process.

I slept in the library annex of the temple (all three nights) to ensure that I would be close and resident to whatever transpired in the temple during the night. This meant that I had many really strange dreams and visions that haunted my sleep. I particularly remember meeting the young woman with the braided hair and strange eyes, who seemed also to be far older than she appeared. She brought me to a pavilion up on the sands of the beach that was open to the air but filtered the rays of the sun (which by now had become brilliant, driving away the mists and the fog). In the pavilion were many oriental carpets, pillows, plates of middle eastern delicacies, an oriental tea set, and a large hookah was placed in the center. The hookah was quite ornate but was not burning, so it was hard to determine what it would be used for (tobacco or hashshish). We sat down together and leaned onto the pillows and proceeded to have an animated and pleasant discussion about philosophy, ancient history and spiritual love. A cool breeze blew through the pavilion, spiced with brine and exotic incense smoke. Perhaps we even made love, but I don’t remember that part, if indeed it even happened.

Day two was begun with body aches and a migraine headache, which abated somewhat into the morning’s devotions. But the body aches continued, and centered into my lower back, getting more severe as the day worn on. I continued to perform my purification exercises, including a deep cleansing bath and laxatives, which seemed to work somewhat, although not as well as I would have liked. I was also haunted by occasional visions of forbidden food (meat), since I was continuing my fasting again until sunset. My lady Grace told me that I still seemed to be in my mind and not in my body, and perhaps that was because I was becoming aware of a truly unfortunate pain and stiffness in my lower back. I was supposed to perform some rituals in the evening, but by that time, I was starting to be distracted by the pain and the stiffness. I medicated myself adequately, and then sought to perform that evening’s working.

I performed the circle consecration, the Mass of the Goddess, and then performed again the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual from the previous Saturday night. I discovered that the powerful Godhead aspect that I had invoked was still very much active and in force, and I communed with it for a time. I also completed the rite to consecrate the magick ring and proceeded to put it on my finger. I felt a powerful intense tingling from it, down my finger to my hand and into my body, making my head feel light and my mind, giddy. I asked the Godhead of the ring to help me to energize my body and to temporarily heal it, although whatever I had done to my body was already powerfully effecting me. Perhaps all of the time I spent on the floor meditating and praying, reciting mystical poetry, and the moderately uncomfortable futon bed was taking its toll on my body - not to mention the fasting.


Day 3 - December 30

This day began with the pain and stiffness in my back having reached a climax. It was difficult to stand erect for any length of time (or to sit for too long either), and it also affected my sense of balance. I felt like I had two left feet, and had to stand in a kind of bull legged manner to remain erect for any length of time. This situation was not at all expected, nor did it bode well for the evening’s climactic working - the Bornless One invocation. Since that rite is very physically demanding, taking as much as three hours to complete. I began to wonder if I might have to postpone the working, and I was quite dejected by having to consider this option. I wanted desperately to complete the ordeal, since the next day would be the Full Moon, and the end of the period for the Lunar Ordeal. I was very troubled by all of these considerations, and had to medicate myself as much as I could just to get through all of the preparations. The thought of attempting to complete the ordeal under such conditions seemed extremely daunting to me. Yet I knew that I had to at least attempt the ritual working, so I continued the preparations as best as I could.

Grace decided that she should attend that evening’s working. She had previously decided not to attend, initially because she felt it was private and personal, and she wanted to give me as much privacy in these final operations as possible. Now, she felt instructed and compelled to help me complete the working that evening, offering whatever assistance was needed, perhaps even helping me to do the ritual actions. I was profoundly grateful for Grace’s help and support, and it made me a bit more confident that I would be able to complete the ordeal. The pain and stiffness of my back made it quite difficult to focus my mind on the objective of the rite, I attempted some further meditations and devotions, but these were not very successful because I was constantly being distracted and unable to find an asana that was comfortable enough to be endured for very long. That evening, I medicated myself as much as I dared and then sat down to meditate. I was wearing my magick ring, and I sought whatever healing power I was able to command from it to help me get through this evening and complete the working. I completely surrendered myself to the process, opening myself to whatever occurred that evening, but I would endeavor to work the ritual from beginning to end and not let my physical condition get in the way of my ritual performance and the reception of the HGA.

I began the rite of the Bornless One invocation, and at first I seemed a little bit shaky and not clearly focused, but that quickly changed as I got into the ritual. Despite the medication that I had taken, my mind became completely clear and all of the stiffness in my back and the pain completely disappeared. I functioned as if nothing was wrong with me and proceeded to perform the ritual at the very best level of my abilities, which was quite a marvelous occurrence. I managed to effortlessly perform the first two stages of the rite without a break, proceeding up the steps of the concentric pylon pyramid, then went on with the next two stages after a short break of around 15 minutes. The healing power that I had invoked from the ring had not only sustained me, but allowed me to become loose in my body. I was riding a wave of ascending power that increased in intensity and building up to a euphoric feeling of ecstasy. It literally pushed me through the final steps, so I went from Assiah, to Yetzirah, Briah and up to Atziluth, into the Eye of the Holy Dragon and beyond. Grace informed me that I was glowing, and that a tangible power was emanating from my body. I felt exhilarated and greatly empowered, I could have danced a Scottish reel or even stood on my head - but I focused resolutely on performing the ritual, making hardly no errors and enunciating all of the words of power and the descriptive text. Thus I achieved in building the four levels of the step-pyramid ritual structure, and achieved the glorious apex at the Qabbalistic world of Atziluth.


The final stage of the actual Bornless One invocation was performed as if I were on fire and fully empowered. I have never said this rite as well or in such a focused manner. I felt a closeness and intimacy of the Holy Guardian Angel, which I have never felt before, even before the invocation was completed. Once it was done, there were waves and reverberations of power as I felt and began to see the materialization of my higher self, the augoeides, the one that is self-begotten (autogenes) and eternal.

I have performed this rite many times (although not in its current revised form), but never have I experienced a manifestation of this magnitude or awesomeness. This was now the climax of six weekends of workings, resting as it were on a foundation of eight super-archangels (Seraphim and Cherubim), who had become the emissaries of the manifested godhead of Shadia El Chai as the Goddess Isis-Sophia. At the apex of these six weeks of arduous workings, I erected the step pyramid-pylons of the four Qabbalistic worlds, and upon its summit I generated the inner sanctum or etheric temple of my highest self, a veritable “vault of the adepti.” Within that sacred vault, I intoned the powerful invocation of the Bornless or Headless One. Needless to say, it appeared to me (as a pillar of rich azure light) and gave me its name so I could summon it whenever I had need of it. Within that blue pillar of light I saw an idealized image of myself as a flawless and perfect youth, full of vigor, sweet happiness, optimism, love and joy. It was a breath-taking experience to see myself in that guise, one that I had never assumed in life. I also felt the magick ring pulsing with power and felt the essence of the HGA flowing from it into me. I felt so very high and full of joy - having left my body of pain and imperfection far behind - at least for the moment. Then I sensed and heard it speak to me of many things, and some of what it said I may impart to all of my readers.

The HGA, augoeides or higher self is an intimate spirit that is directly connected to one. It is such for all human beings. The HGA is the sum total of everything good that I have ever realized and accomplished in my entire life, from infancy to the last breath that I will draw - it is all that and much more. It is also connected to the Godhead and transmits all spiritual realization directly to me, whether I ask for it or not. It is like my future self that is wholly spiritual and beyond the moment of my death. All things of the flesh, emotions (except love), mind and soul are part of the corporeal self and shall perish at the end of this life time, never to be seen or known in this world forever more. Through the HGA I may sense and “see” all aspects of Spirit and the Godhead, without it I would be spiritually dead, a malady that is ironically called a “loss of soul.” I may worship the Gods and Goddesses, feel them and hear their words and blessings, venerate the ancestors, summon angels, demons, spirits of the dead and earth spirits, but always and only through the mediation of the HGA, whether I am aware of it or not.

Most religions, except those that are wholly occult or mystical based, actually worship this personal atman or higher self and never really engage directly with the Godhead, so there is a superficial and even delusional quality to exoteric religion, affecting its doctrines, dogma and fixed practices.  One can find many references to this idea, especially in the mystical poetry of Rumi, Hafiz and Kabir, which I recited and read for hours before this final working. Only through occult practices and profound mystical experiences is this hidden nature of the higher self revealed. All outward practices, however engaging, are as nought when compared to the revelations of the higher self, our personal intermediary of the Godhead.

So what has been revealed to me is that the HGA is integral to one’s being and functions as one’s spiritual dimension. What I was seeking and attempting to connect with was always there. When I apprehended this truth, it was so simple and so familiar to me. It was all of the “good” that I have ever felt or shown to others, the love and devotion that I have shown the Godhead, my true spiritual self from infancy to death and beyond. It was such a miraculous and minor thing, always attached to me and a part of me, even though I was unaware of it most of the time. However, I needed to perform this massive and difficult ordeal to get me to detach enough from my mundane preoccupations to become truly aware of it, probably for the first time in my life - although I realized that it had been always there at the very pinacle and edge of my being. As time goes forward from this point of realization, a greater awareness will unfold, teaching and guiding me, helping me to elevate my consciousness in a manner that nothing else could compare. The world has become my teacher, and my HGA is the master guide who will aid me in my lessons of life, death and the Greater Spirit.

Through this divine union and awareness I may experience a kind of immortality, though I shall be totally subsumed into the body of my HGA, and nothing of the terrestrial me will be left once I have died. This was quite a revelation to me and I am still attempting to process it. It is not a death wish nor a desire to seek death, as much as it is a desire to live a long and productive life, however many years are left to me. I feel that although I have already lived more than half of my allotted life span or perhaps even more, the best and most productive years lie yet ahead of me, where the greatest challenges and accomplishments await. This pathway of the higher adept has not ended now or anytime in the future - it has only humbly begun, with the initial smallest steps - this simple realization. It’s now up to me to make it grow into maturation, so that I may know my full potential self.

I was also told that the rite of assumption does not have to be performed by me, since I have already completely achieved the assumption of my higher self. It is a ritual where the helpers or attendants of the rite may be empowered and blessed by it performance, sharing in a full measure of what the main celebrant has been able to achieve. I will have to note this in ritual and work it out accordingly.

So I have completed the ordeal, and it seems like I have only achieved what was just simply right in front of me all along, although I was unaware. Perhaps that is my folly, but I suspect that we are all so afflicted. I am now tied to spiritual service, but how that is defined and is worked out remains to be seen. There was much more that was communicated to me, some of it I have revealed, other secrets I have kept to myself because of it’s personal nature, and much will be revealed as time goes on. I now feel very “other worldly” and I need to reconnect with my body in order to be able to function. Grace has noticed this about me - I seem so much happier, joyful - there is a light in my person, perhaps a kind of illumination. But I am also distant and deep within my own spiritual process. I need to surface and re-examine my life, ironically, just as the New Year begins.

I have forged a new path and hopefully others will seek it, take it upon themselves and attempt to complete it. I have found it a daunting ordeal despite its brevity. For now, there is yet another method to invoking and manifesting the Holy Guardian Angel.

Frater Barrabbas

4 comments:

  1. Great Job on simplifying the Abramelin Operation in just 7 weeks! Bravo!

    I'm also happy for you that you've attain the Knowledge & Conversation of you HGA!

    Thank you for paving the way for us magicians a convenient way of Attaining our own HGA which is very important in our careers as magicians.

    P.S.
    I'm also a big fan of your blog. It has nothing but quality articles and essays especially written by an experience adept like you. You give good tips and insight aspiring magicians like me.

    - Frater Lovechild

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  2. Thank you. BTW, if you or anyone else is interested in examining these rituals for yourself, just contact me via the website for the E.S.S.G., which is found at www.gnosticstar.org in the "contact us" tab/page.

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  3. Your writing is always rich,thoughtful,wise and inspiring.
    How can I examine these rituals you describe?

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  4. wow. interesting reading what you went through eventhough i know you are only telling 1/4 of the whole experience.
    I am proud of you and the effort you made. Alot look at 6 months. some are even thinking that 18 months is the key. However, i think that the method is good but the dedication is the key. you never gave up inspite the fact that you were not feeling very well with all the energies around.
    I tried the operation some years ago but failed to reach its goal. My angel did not show up on the day and i honestly think that i blew it because i was a loner and i lacked the connections and skills. It was a big blow but i have since moved on and i am now thinking about doing it again. i do not know where to start but i know that a word or two from you will make my day. congrats and may your success be a light to many as it has been for me.
    All the best.

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