Not everything turns out as you would like it to, but most often, it turns out as it needs to be. This is certainly true about the first phase of the two phase final part to the Abramelin Lunar Ordeal. As you may remember, I had scheduled to work magick for the weekend of April 16 and 17 during the full moon. I was going to re-establish contact with the previous structures of the Ordeal, which would include the Ogdoadic Godhead Vortex ritual, the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual, to be followed the next day with the Bornless One invocation (Stellar Gnosis version). Typically, if I schedule myself to work magick on a particular day, I will move heaven and earth to make certain that it gets done on that date. This is part of my magickal and spiritual discipline, and I am proud to say that most of the time, I adhere to this rule without prevarication. However, I found myself unprepared mentally and physically to do these rites for the scheduled weekend. Something seemed wrong about doing it then, and I also felt very much compelled to spend the time instead with my girlfriend, since she was leaving for nine days in the middle of the coming week. So I decided to perform the two day working on the following weekend, since I would be alone and able to better focus on my intention to do the work. It was also quite interesting that my plans intersected with the Christian observance of Easter and the Jewish observance of Passover.
Changing the date to the following weekend (April 22 & 23) seemed like a good idea to me. But then I started to think about what I was going to do and the sequence how I was going to do it. I had planned on doing the Alchemical Hierogamy Rite of Union during the next month as part of the second phase, but for some reason I felt driven to add it to the Friday working, so its effect would be in place before I performed the Bornless One invocation the next day. I could make this change because I had previously performed these rites back in December of 2009. I wanted to experience the joining of the Element Godhead with the HGA before I re-performed the Bornless One invocation. I felt obligated to do this, and so I listened to my intuition and decided to act on it. I am very glad that I listened, since the end results were quite splendid.
I now realize how important that ritual was, and how fortunate that I was able to figure it out and write it up. Had I managed to develop this ritual back in the autumn of 2009, I believe that the period of the overall ordeal would have been significantly shortened. At any rate, often the pioneer and trail blazer has to do things the hard way and experience the creative process of developing an ordeal with all of the half hazard, chaotic and serendipitous occurrences that happen along the way. Had I not delayed the working, then I might have done it the way that I originally planned. By letting the date slip a weekend, I came up with a different, and I think, better plan. We shall see over time how it works out, but so far I am very pleased with the results.
Additionally, I also decided to dispense with using the planetary hours for the two workings. Since most of the rites have been performed before as part of the original ordeal, I felt that it wasn’t necessary to enclose the working with planetary hours. I will, however, use planetary hours for the last working in May, because it has not yet been attempted. I also felt that the Benediction rite was unnecessary, since the temple was quite properly aligned and fully charged. Since I completed the first part of the ordeal back in December 2009, the sigils and other regalia for this working has been kept in the exact place where I left them. The forces and intelligences that were contacted back then are still quite active. I also felt that the auspiciousness of the dates precluded the need to somehow make the whole operation more sanctified and spiritually blessed than what it already was. The important part of this working was to perform the Rite of Union, and to do it before the Bornless One invocation.
Needless to say, those (in the Order) who choose to undergo this ordeal as it has been established will perform it with the Rite of Union being done after the Bornless One invocation. I also will recommend that it be executed very quickly afterwards, perhaps the next day after the invocation. It was important for me to perform the Ogdoadic Godhead Vortex ritual and the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual in order to re-awaken and re-connect with the ordeal where I left it. Since the Rite of Union was supposed to be worked while the HGA and the Element Godhead were active, I felt that I needed to re-immerse myself in this work. So I assumed that the second time through these rituals wouldn’t really been very illuminating. The key, of course, was with the Rite of Union and the effect that it would have on the overall working. I was looking forward to that event with a great deal of anticipation.
Astrological considerations for the dates April 22 and April 23 were not particularly auspicious. The moon was in the sign Capricorn and it was five days from the full moon, or two days before the last quarter. Moon in Capricorn is not an emotionally effusive aspect - it is, in fact, cold and inhibited. However, the lunation cycle for the moon was at type 6, which was the disseminating type, useful for communication and guidance. I could expect a stable and placid, if not subdued, lunar impact, particularly with the sun recently entered into Taurus. Still, this was the date for Good Friday and Earth Day, with next day of Saturday (Holy Saturday) representing the transition from death to rebirth, at least in Christian practice.
In the tradition of the Roman Catholics, the church altar was stripped on Holy Thursday after the mass rite, and no mass was actually said after that event until Easter Sunday. Good Friday was a time of prayer, adoration of the cross, a procession of the Holy Eucharist and a mass of the pre-sanctified, using sacraments produced on Thursday. Holy Saturday continued the abstinence of saying mass, but consisted of the blessing of the fire, reading of the prophecies, blessing of the baptismal font (in preparation for a special baptism in the old rite), and at vespers, the first celebration of Christ’s resurrection. All of these rites commemorated the execution, death and rebirth of the founder and savior, Jesus Christ. So I was undergoing my personal rites of the Abramelin Lunar Ordeal when the rest of the Christian world, orthodox as well as the other denominations, was celebrating their holiest weekend of the year, next to Christmas. Therefore, the timing was particularly auspicious, if one considers the impact of performing personal magick during a religious holiday.
On Friday and Saturday (starting during the evening on Friday) the Passover Shabbat is celebrated, representing the most auspicious moment in the eight day celebration after the two Seder meals and before its final end, which is Tuesday. These are the fourth and fifth days of Passover, known as the Choi Hamoed, or intermediate days. The intermediate days represent the Hebrew’s deliverance from bondage in Egypt and their travels to the Red Sea. They are still in danger of being captured or killed by pharaoh’s soldiers, and it is the seventh day when the miracle of the Red Sea splitting is performed by Yahweh, allowing the Hebrews to cross over and safely begin their sojourn to the promised land.
Let me now relate what happened to me during these two events, since we have established the reasons and the context for their operation. I will write up edited notations from my journal, excluding only those entries that I consider too personal to relate here.
Friday, April 22: Began the working at approximately 8:30 pm. I completed setting the magick circle just after the clock signaled the half hour, so I was able to determine the start time. I performed the Mass of the Goddess to charge the temple, and the rite proceeded without any incident. I felt in high spirits for this work, and body was without fatigue or any pain - not at all like the last time I did this working. I performed the Ogdoadic Godhead Vortex ritual and found that the individual Seraphim and Cherubim had become completely fused into union. I received no sense of any individual messages or insights, instead they manifested as a powerful combination of force and intelligence, which was quite remarkable! I was nearly taken aback by the powers and the sense of the coalesced entities that I had awakened.
Once I had completed the invocation of the Element Godhead of Water, I did reconnect and re-encounter the Goddess aspect that I had encountered nearly sixteen months ago. I found myself returned to the peaceful misty beach, where I had met a youthful barefoot woman with a white lace shift, tanned body and face, blond hair in french braids, green eyes and a friendly smile. I could once again smell the sea salt and hear the gentle sound of the waves lapping against the shore. I also heard sea gulls in the background, but noticed that the sun was completely occluded by the enveloping mist. I communed with her a little while, and felt comforted and refreshed by her presence. I had a strong sense of well being and happiness, as if anticipating a time of joy. I now wonder if the Goddess was anticipating her wedding to the HGA, feeling the joy that one would expect to feel for such a glorious union.
The next ritual in the series for that evening was the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual. I found this rite to be easy to perform and did so without incident. There were no striking visitations or other magickal phenomena. I could feel the power of the ritual reach a kind of crescendo with the opening of the Great Gate, and I also sensed or even saw the Goddess and the HGA meeting each other on either side of the gateway. This rite set the stage for the next and final rite, having awakened and pulled together all of the elements from the last working. I was ready to proceed to the next level of the working.
Performing the rite of the Alchemical Hierogamy Rite of Union was effortless, flowing and nearly flawless. I marveled at how well the ritual worked, even though this was the first time that I had performed it. The first stage of the rite held an element of sadness, since that is where the young King and Queen are executed and drained of blood, preparing them for the alchemical resurrection. However, instead of sensing the Goddess and the HGA going through this process, I felt myself going through it instead. I could visualize myself progressing through the three steps of alchemical dissolution, where my sense of ego based selfhood was completely destroyed and made ready for distillation and regeneration. However, when I got to the central part of the rite, and began to perform the rites of Conjuction, where the Goddess and HGA were to be wed, I found that they had returned to my vision’s sight, and I drew them together through the wedding rite.
I then envisioned a scene right out of the Lovers Card in the Tarot, with me acting as the prelate who officially joins the two young lovers together. Once this act had reached it climax, I felt my heart filled with an indescribable joy and a blissful happiness. It was a powerful sense of ecstatic union, and I even saw in my mind’s eye where the two youthful lovers embraced and became as one great being of light and love. I had to stop the working at this point for a while as I fully processed these new sensations. I fully sensed and felt the mysterious “Lover Within” as I had never sensed it before.
The rest of ritual proceeded without any further interruption, but as in the first part, I saw myself being reconstructed and made alchemically whole, fulfilled, regenerated and renewed. The end of the rite had me feeling as if I were reborn and made completely new.
Once the final rite was finished, I had to sit and meditate for awhile. I felt that the Rite of Union was very likely the most magnificent ritual that I have ever experienced. I was so powerfully affected that I couldn’t go to asleep right way. The rite had been completed at around 11:30 pm, which was a three hour period of intense ritualizing, but I was not at all tired. Later that evening, my dreams were very vivid and active, and I felt a blissful kind of joy and happiness that I haven’t felt in some time, as if the weight of all my cares and troubles had been completely removed from my shoulders.
Saturday, April 23: This time there was a bit of a delay before I was able to begin the working. I had some tasks to complete for the day, and then afterwards, I wanted to take short nap to catch up on my sleep. Unfortunately, I slept for around two hours, which meant that the time at my waking was around 7 pm. It was still light out (because of daylight savings time and because the days get so much longer in Minnesota the closer one is to the solstice), so I was at first confused by the time. I hadn’t done the preparations for the Bornless One rite, so I had to focus on getting them completed before starting the work. I decided not to perform the Mass of the Goddess for this evening’s work, and instead, I would focus on just doing the Bornless One rite. I finally got everything ready, took a shower and properly anointed myself. The magick circle was fully erected at around 10:00 pm.
I then went through the five stages of the Bornless One invocation rite, where I set up the four Qabbalistic Worlds as the platform steps to a raised energy temple, with the fifth stage functioning as a trapezoidal prismatic temple at the very top. I was able to pace myself and make it through these five arduous stages without difficulty or fatigue slowing me down. I felt ebullient, inspired and fully empowered, so I managed to work through all of the operations until I got to the Bornless One invocation. I then went through this invocation and the final experience was far more powerful and remarkable than I have ever experienced it before. The ecstatic feeling from the previous evening was greatly amplified, and by the time I had completed the invocation, I felt a truly great joy and happiness overpower all of my senses. I felt that the HGA and it’s apparent manifestation was supremely energized by the Rite of Union of the previous evening. It was so apparent to my senses that I felt as if I were two individuals and not one. I could sense its thoughts and feelings as if they were my own. The union between us was neither complete or perfect, but it gave me a strange kind of doppelganger effect, where I moved and sensed myself in space and time in two places at once, even though both bodies were very close. It’s the oddest sensation that I have ever experienced, but it does represent to me that I am getting very close to my objective of being fully unified with the Higher Self.
Once the rite had achieved it’s climax, I found myself blissfully enclosed in a state that was absolutely wonderful. I saw the world through the HGA’s thoughts, and could even engage in an internal dialogue with my higher self, even anticipating the answers! I wanted to know my destiny, at least for the rest of my life, and I saw that there was still so much more to experience and learn, even though I have lived more than half of life so far. Could that mean that I have a long life ahead of me? I could interpret it that way, or it could just mean that my last days will be very busy, allowing me to complete my travels and studies in good order. I now realize that I have built a good solid foundation, and the HGA showed me this, and so much more.
After I sat in meditation for a while, the superimposition of the HGA and myself merged until I felt it in my body, or perhaps I was in its body - I couldn’t tell. He was talking to me inside my head as if it were just another facet of myself (or like to friends in a casual conversation), and I felt just blissful, whole and completely happy. Then when there was nothing more to say, we both became quiet but fully aware of and delighting in our merged beings. This state of mind continued as I completed the ritual and finally retired for bed. I felt like I was a container for this being, sharing the space of my thoughts, feelings and sensations with it. The whole thing was indescribable - and it is still very much active, even now, many hours after it was completed.
One thing that I did ask my HGA was to help me to determine a theme for the Theurgia-Goetia spirits. Looking at this problem through the eyes of my Higher Self, I found it to be all quite simple. The spirits of the Theurgia-Goetia are based on the sixteen directions of the winds, since they are winged air spirits who fly. Half of them are good, and the other half are demonic, so they would represent the spirits that ward the gateway of the Abyss - half of them are on this side, and the other half are in the night side of the abyss. They form a circle whose center is the abysmal gateway. I am sure that this will help me develop a magickal system to invoke and evoke those spirits, and I believe that more information will be forthcoming, but it was fascinating to ask this question and have it so easily answered.
The working was completed at around 1:15 am Sunday morning, and after shutting everything down, I tried to sleep. I have to admit that it was difficult to sleep, even though I was tired, because another part of me (the HGA?) was still awake and processing everything at light speed. I even had the odd thought of: “so this is what its like being in a body and seeking the succor of sleep - how interesting!”
On Sunday, which was Easter, I decided to rest somewhat, but I did feel moved to perform a Thanksgiving mass, which I did after completing my journal entries. I had woken late in the morning and still felt tired. I also felt like something was still moving around inside my head, inspiring me with all sorts of visions and insights. I said the Mass of the Goddess with all of the solemness and joy of the moment, but I also was very tired. I cooked for myself a wonderful feast and thoroughly enjoyed eating it, since my senses had been so much enhanced from my experience. I felt that I had successfully completed the first phase, and felt a great deal of wonder and amazement at the magickal process that produces these experiences. There was much to grateful about, and felt gratitude at the deepest levels.
I am looking forward to the next and final phase of this ordeal, which (unless something peculiar happens) will be Saturday, May 14. At that time, I will attempt to perform the Bornless One Envisioning rite. I will produced an edited version of my experience and also probably put together an epilogue for the whole ordeal. Stay tuned, because it only gets more interesting!
Changing the date to the following weekend (April 22 & 23) seemed like a good idea to me. But then I started to think about what I was going to do and the sequence how I was going to do it. I had planned on doing the Alchemical Hierogamy Rite of Union during the next month as part of the second phase, but for some reason I felt driven to add it to the Friday working, so its effect would be in place before I performed the Bornless One invocation the next day. I could make this change because I had previously performed these rites back in December of 2009. I wanted to experience the joining of the Element Godhead with the HGA before I re-performed the Bornless One invocation. I felt obligated to do this, and so I listened to my intuition and decided to act on it. I am very glad that I listened, since the end results were quite splendid.
I now realize how important that ritual was, and how fortunate that I was able to figure it out and write it up. Had I managed to develop this ritual back in the autumn of 2009, I believe that the period of the overall ordeal would have been significantly shortened. At any rate, often the pioneer and trail blazer has to do things the hard way and experience the creative process of developing an ordeal with all of the half hazard, chaotic and serendipitous occurrences that happen along the way. Had I not delayed the working, then I might have done it the way that I originally planned. By letting the date slip a weekend, I came up with a different, and I think, better plan. We shall see over time how it works out, but so far I am very pleased with the results.
Additionally, I also decided to dispense with using the planetary hours for the two workings. Since most of the rites have been performed before as part of the original ordeal, I felt that it wasn’t necessary to enclose the working with planetary hours. I will, however, use planetary hours for the last working in May, because it has not yet been attempted. I also felt that the Benediction rite was unnecessary, since the temple was quite properly aligned and fully charged. Since I completed the first part of the ordeal back in December 2009, the sigils and other regalia for this working has been kept in the exact place where I left them. The forces and intelligences that were contacted back then are still quite active. I also felt that the auspiciousness of the dates precluded the need to somehow make the whole operation more sanctified and spiritually blessed than what it already was. The important part of this working was to perform the Rite of Union, and to do it before the Bornless One invocation.
Needless to say, those (in the Order) who choose to undergo this ordeal as it has been established will perform it with the Rite of Union being done after the Bornless One invocation. I also will recommend that it be executed very quickly afterwards, perhaps the next day after the invocation. It was important for me to perform the Ogdoadic Godhead Vortex ritual and the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual in order to re-awaken and re-connect with the ordeal where I left it. Since the Rite of Union was supposed to be worked while the HGA and the Element Godhead were active, I felt that I needed to re-immerse myself in this work. So I assumed that the second time through these rituals wouldn’t really been very illuminating. The key, of course, was with the Rite of Union and the effect that it would have on the overall working. I was looking forward to that event with a great deal of anticipation.
Astrological considerations for the dates April 22 and April 23 were not particularly auspicious. The moon was in the sign Capricorn and it was five days from the full moon, or two days before the last quarter. Moon in Capricorn is not an emotionally effusive aspect - it is, in fact, cold and inhibited. However, the lunation cycle for the moon was at type 6, which was the disseminating type, useful for communication and guidance. I could expect a stable and placid, if not subdued, lunar impact, particularly with the sun recently entered into Taurus. Still, this was the date for Good Friday and Earth Day, with next day of Saturday (Holy Saturday) representing the transition from death to rebirth, at least in Christian practice.
In the tradition of the Roman Catholics, the church altar was stripped on Holy Thursday after the mass rite, and no mass was actually said after that event until Easter Sunday. Good Friday was a time of prayer, adoration of the cross, a procession of the Holy Eucharist and a mass of the pre-sanctified, using sacraments produced on Thursday. Holy Saturday continued the abstinence of saying mass, but consisted of the blessing of the fire, reading of the prophecies, blessing of the baptismal font (in preparation for a special baptism in the old rite), and at vespers, the first celebration of Christ’s resurrection. All of these rites commemorated the execution, death and rebirth of the founder and savior, Jesus Christ. So I was undergoing my personal rites of the Abramelin Lunar Ordeal when the rest of the Christian world, orthodox as well as the other denominations, was celebrating their holiest weekend of the year, next to Christmas. Therefore, the timing was particularly auspicious, if one considers the impact of performing personal magick during a religious holiday.
On Friday and Saturday (starting during the evening on Friday) the Passover Shabbat is celebrated, representing the most auspicious moment in the eight day celebration after the two Seder meals and before its final end, which is Tuesday. These are the fourth and fifth days of Passover, known as the Choi Hamoed, or intermediate days. The intermediate days represent the Hebrew’s deliverance from bondage in Egypt and their travels to the Red Sea. They are still in danger of being captured or killed by pharaoh’s soldiers, and it is the seventh day when the miracle of the Red Sea splitting is performed by Yahweh, allowing the Hebrews to cross over and safely begin their sojourn to the promised land.
Let me now relate what happened to me during these two events, since we have established the reasons and the context for their operation. I will write up edited notations from my journal, excluding only those entries that I consider too personal to relate here.
Friday, April 22: Began the working at approximately 8:30 pm. I completed setting the magick circle just after the clock signaled the half hour, so I was able to determine the start time. I performed the Mass of the Goddess to charge the temple, and the rite proceeded without any incident. I felt in high spirits for this work, and body was without fatigue or any pain - not at all like the last time I did this working. I performed the Ogdoadic Godhead Vortex ritual and found that the individual Seraphim and Cherubim had become completely fused into union. I received no sense of any individual messages or insights, instead they manifested as a powerful combination of force and intelligence, which was quite remarkable! I was nearly taken aback by the powers and the sense of the coalesced entities that I had awakened.
Once I had completed the invocation of the Element Godhead of Water, I did reconnect and re-encounter the Goddess aspect that I had encountered nearly sixteen months ago. I found myself returned to the peaceful misty beach, where I had met a youthful barefoot woman with a white lace shift, tanned body and face, blond hair in french braids, green eyes and a friendly smile. I could once again smell the sea salt and hear the gentle sound of the waves lapping against the shore. I also heard sea gulls in the background, but noticed that the sun was completely occluded by the enveloping mist. I communed with her a little while, and felt comforted and refreshed by her presence. I had a strong sense of well being and happiness, as if anticipating a time of joy. I now wonder if the Goddess was anticipating her wedding to the HGA, feeling the joy that one would expect to feel for such a glorious union.
The next ritual in the series for that evening was the Triple Tetrahedral Gate ritual. I found this rite to be easy to perform and did so without incident. There were no striking visitations or other magickal phenomena. I could feel the power of the ritual reach a kind of crescendo with the opening of the Great Gate, and I also sensed or even saw the Goddess and the HGA meeting each other on either side of the gateway. This rite set the stage for the next and final rite, having awakened and pulled together all of the elements from the last working. I was ready to proceed to the next level of the working.
Performing the rite of the Alchemical Hierogamy Rite of Union was effortless, flowing and nearly flawless. I marveled at how well the ritual worked, even though this was the first time that I had performed it. The first stage of the rite held an element of sadness, since that is where the young King and Queen are executed and drained of blood, preparing them for the alchemical resurrection. However, instead of sensing the Goddess and the HGA going through this process, I felt myself going through it instead. I could visualize myself progressing through the three steps of alchemical dissolution, where my sense of ego based selfhood was completely destroyed and made ready for distillation and regeneration. However, when I got to the central part of the rite, and began to perform the rites of Conjuction, where the Goddess and HGA were to be wed, I found that they had returned to my vision’s sight, and I drew them together through the wedding rite.
I then envisioned a scene right out of the Lovers Card in the Tarot, with me acting as the prelate who officially joins the two young lovers together. Once this act had reached it climax, I felt my heart filled with an indescribable joy and a blissful happiness. It was a powerful sense of ecstatic union, and I even saw in my mind’s eye where the two youthful lovers embraced and became as one great being of light and love. I had to stop the working at this point for a while as I fully processed these new sensations. I fully sensed and felt the mysterious “Lover Within” as I had never sensed it before.
The rest of ritual proceeded without any further interruption, but as in the first part, I saw myself being reconstructed and made alchemically whole, fulfilled, regenerated and renewed. The end of the rite had me feeling as if I were reborn and made completely new.
Once the final rite was finished, I had to sit and meditate for awhile. I felt that the Rite of Union was very likely the most magnificent ritual that I have ever experienced. I was so powerfully affected that I couldn’t go to asleep right way. The rite had been completed at around 11:30 pm, which was a three hour period of intense ritualizing, but I was not at all tired. Later that evening, my dreams were very vivid and active, and I felt a blissful kind of joy and happiness that I haven’t felt in some time, as if the weight of all my cares and troubles had been completely removed from my shoulders.
Saturday, April 23: This time there was a bit of a delay before I was able to begin the working. I had some tasks to complete for the day, and then afterwards, I wanted to take short nap to catch up on my sleep. Unfortunately, I slept for around two hours, which meant that the time at my waking was around 7 pm. It was still light out (because of daylight savings time and because the days get so much longer in Minnesota the closer one is to the solstice), so I was at first confused by the time. I hadn’t done the preparations for the Bornless One rite, so I had to focus on getting them completed before starting the work. I decided not to perform the Mass of the Goddess for this evening’s work, and instead, I would focus on just doing the Bornless One rite. I finally got everything ready, took a shower and properly anointed myself. The magick circle was fully erected at around 10:00 pm.
I then went through the five stages of the Bornless One invocation rite, where I set up the four Qabbalistic Worlds as the platform steps to a raised energy temple, with the fifth stage functioning as a trapezoidal prismatic temple at the very top. I was able to pace myself and make it through these five arduous stages without difficulty or fatigue slowing me down. I felt ebullient, inspired and fully empowered, so I managed to work through all of the operations until I got to the Bornless One invocation. I then went through this invocation and the final experience was far more powerful and remarkable than I have ever experienced it before. The ecstatic feeling from the previous evening was greatly amplified, and by the time I had completed the invocation, I felt a truly great joy and happiness overpower all of my senses. I felt that the HGA and it’s apparent manifestation was supremely energized by the Rite of Union of the previous evening. It was so apparent to my senses that I felt as if I were two individuals and not one. I could sense its thoughts and feelings as if they were my own. The union between us was neither complete or perfect, but it gave me a strange kind of doppelganger effect, where I moved and sensed myself in space and time in two places at once, even though both bodies were very close. It’s the oddest sensation that I have ever experienced, but it does represent to me that I am getting very close to my objective of being fully unified with the Higher Self.
Once the rite had achieved it’s climax, I found myself blissfully enclosed in a state that was absolutely wonderful. I saw the world through the HGA’s thoughts, and could even engage in an internal dialogue with my higher self, even anticipating the answers! I wanted to know my destiny, at least for the rest of my life, and I saw that there was still so much more to experience and learn, even though I have lived more than half of life so far. Could that mean that I have a long life ahead of me? I could interpret it that way, or it could just mean that my last days will be very busy, allowing me to complete my travels and studies in good order. I now realize that I have built a good solid foundation, and the HGA showed me this, and so much more.
After I sat in meditation for a while, the superimposition of the HGA and myself merged until I felt it in my body, or perhaps I was in its body - I couldn’t tell. He was talking to me inside my head as if it were just another facet of myself (or like to friends in a casual conversation), and I felt just blissful, whole and completely happy. Then when there was nothing more to say, we both became quiet but fully aware of and delighting in our merged beings. This state of mind continued as I completed the ritual and finally retired for bed. I felt like I was a container for this being, sharing the space of my thoughts, feelings and sensations with it. The whole thing was indescribable - and it is still very much active, even now, many hours after it was completed.
One thing that I did ask my HGA was to help me to determine a theme for the Theurgia-Goetia spirits. Looking at this problem through the eyes of my Higher Self, I found it to be all quite simple. The spirits of the Theurgia-Goetia are based on the sixteen directions of the winds, since they are winged air spirits who fly. Half of them are good, and the other half are demonic, so they would represent the spirits that ward the gateway of the Abyss - half of them are on this side, and the other half are in the night side of the abyss. They form a circle whose center is the abysmal gateway. I am sure that this will help me develop a magickal system to invoke and evoke those spirits, and I believe that more information will be forthcoming, but it was fascinating to ask this question and have it so easily answered.
The working was completed at around 1:15 am Sunday morning, and after shutting everything down, I tried to sleep. I have to admit that it was difficult to sleep, even though I was tired, because another part of me (the HGA?) was still awake and processing everything at light speed. I even had the odd thought of: “so this is what its like being in a body and seeking the succor of sleep - how interesting!”
On Sunday, which was Easter, I decided to rest somewhat, but I did feel moved to perform a Thanksgiving mass, which I did after completing my journal entries. I had woken late in the morning and still felt tired. I also felt like something was still moving around inside my head, inspiring me with all sorts of visions and insights. I said the Mass of the Goddess with all of the solemness and joy of the moment, but I also was very tired. I cooked for myself a wonderful feast and thoroughly enjoyed eating it, since my senses had been so much enhanced from my experience. I felt that I had successfully completed the first phase, and felt a great deal of wonder and amazement at the magickal process that produces these experiences. There was much to grateful about, and felt gratitude at the deepest levels.
I am looking forward to the next and final phase of this ordeal, which (unless something peculiar happens) will be Saturday, May 14. At that time, I will attempt to perform the Bornless One Envisioning rite. I will produced an edited version of my experience and also probably put together an epilogue for the whole ordeal. Stay tuned, because it only gets more interesting!
Frater Barrabbas
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