How I fell Out of the Man Box

Throughout most of my life, and certainly my adult life, I have never had any doubts as to who I am, nor have I ever felt deficient, nor penitent about my race or sexual orientation. I just felt that I was an ordinary person with unusual interests and pursuits. I am an elderly white cis-gender heterosexual male living in the post modern United States. I don’t feel any guilt for the prejudice and racism that has been unleashed on blacks or people of color by people of my race, nor the bigotry displayed towards those of other religious persuasions. Despite the fact that I am a product of white privilege, I believe fervently there is enough abundance in the world for everyone to be treated equally, fairly and with dignity. I also believe in the possibility for reparations and affirmative action, along with other programs to fix racial inequality.  I am not politically conservative nor religiously exclusive, since to be this way goes against what I practice and what I myself promote. I don’t have doubts about my sexual preferences, and I don’t feel inadequate as a man nor troubled by my identity as one. I lean towards liberalism, but I am not part of the radical left, in fact I wonder if such a political perspective even exists anymore in our country.

I do take responsibility for racism and bigotry, and I try to address that whenever I encounter it, whether in momentary lapses in myself or in others that are close to me. I try to be mindful of the complexities of human expression and culture, and above all, to try and be open minded and compassionate to everyone. Of course I often fail at that attempt, but I am sensitive about the feelings of others and of my own behavior, and I seek to change when I am shown to be wrong or lacking in compassion for others. In fact, despite my many numerous flaws and inadequacies, I understand myself, my limitations, and seek to find peace with that knowledge. In short, I am who I am, but that’s all that I am. My friends and I call that the Popeye’s creed.

So, how did I manage to escape from all of the cultural pressures and discontinuity that seem to be challenging the definition of what it is to be a man in the world today? I don’t buy into the archetype of masculinity that has dominated the minds of most heterosexual white men, or even men of different races who are heterosexual. Like everyone else, I see the media personages of manly men, and I am amused and entertained by them, but not moved to emulate them in any fashion. Some men have become conservative both politically and religiously because within that mental perspective is a simple definition of manhood that they can easily emulate. Of course, taking that path will cause people to be at odds against the diverse culture that they live in, where plurality and tolerance are required in order to function and interact with others not like themselves. It would seem that accepting such a simple solution has very complex and negative consequences. 

Yet for me and my situation, I got booted out of the Man Box because I identified with being a Witch, a ritual magician and an occultist. I had broken too many taboos and crossed the line in what was acceptable male behavior to earn anything but scorn and derision from any alpha type male. That happened when I was a teenager, and because I could talk to spirits and gods in my head (and I wasn’t crazy), I had no other choice but to follow that path. My high-school peers rejected my choice in religious activity, and I became a pariah wherever I went. There was also something unmanly about being a Witch, since it was an epithet usually associated with nasty, over-bearing, threatening, and decrepit old women. It also had amoral and diabolic associations, marking me as someone who was obviously on the wrong side of just about everything.

Prior to coming out as a Witch to my high-school peers, I had some moderate success joining the high-school football team, but I was definitely B or C team material, and not good enough nor talented enough to be first string. However, I was an accepted part of that crowd of athletes, that is, until I let it be known that I was a Witch and began to dress and act the part. I became a goth before that was even a thing, and my peers, especially the athletic crowd, ridiculed and mocked me. My junior year high-school year-book was tagged with much of this kind of verbal abuse, since I unwittingly let it out of my hands when seeking others to sign it. I soaked up all of the negative attention because I relished letting my true self come out and I openly defied conventions and proper decorum. These were interesting times for me, as you can imagine, but it changed everything for me, and I was no longer considered “one of the guys.” Instead I was seen as that weirdo Witch person, and some women even called me queer, before that epithet became indicative of someone who was either gendered or sexually non-binary.

So, before I even became fully an adult man, I was judged to be not at all manly or even a pretended manliness. Even my short and pathetic stint in the Navy didn’t change that image, in fact it made it worse because I was discharged as unsuitable for military duty. This was before Wicca was an accepted religion in the military and acting as a Witch was wholly unacceptable, and I took that discharge as a release from the limitations, enforced conformity, and regimentation of a military life. By the time that I was 20 years old, I was completely out of any kind of cultural definition of masculinity, and that fact was not only a relief and a way of achieving personal freedom, it was something of a badge of honor for me. I wasn’t like other people, and in fact, I was, in many ways, contrary to what others believed was normal and acceptable behavior. Since I was so outside of the norm, I saw no reason to be prejudiced against others who were also considered outside of the norm, such as gays, lesbians, radical left-wing types, and the hosts of the disenfranchised “Other,” and I was seen as an honorary member of that wonderful but despised group of people.

Gone was the pecking order of men who in groups sought dominance over each other, since I was never considered part of their group, and I had little interest in sports, drinking beer in bars, or attending churches or other expected social gatherings. I was an outsider, but I had no regrets since I was free to associate with whomever I wished, and I didn’t have to deal with the pressures and harsh opinions of my peer group. I didn’t worry about what sports team I was fond of, because I was not part of any group where that mattered. It was the same for me regarding politics and religion.

While white heterosexual men sought to deal with our changing culture, dealing with civil rights, women’s liberation, and then later the “Me Too” movement, and finding that adjustment difficult if not almost contrary to what they perceived as the edifice of manhood, I was completely onboard with these changes. I cheered them on since progressive social changes would mean that I would become more acceptable and mainstream, and some of the cognitive dissonance that I had to deal with would be diminished. While some men struggled or even lost ground with these social changes, I had already actually arrived at that point years earlier. My masculinity was not defined by culture or popular consensus. It was defined by my own inner sense of personal value and an acceptance of who I was at a core level. I had developed my personality without racial prejudice, bigotry, or the need to dominate, and I felt it was acceptable to feel and express my pain or loss in whatever seemed appropriate to me, not caring what others thought. I was notorious for quietly crying when watching the sad or poignant moments in a movie, and that was also true when I lost a pet or a friend. I saw any role that a man or woman might take on to be appropriate, especially if they excelled at it, and this made the stereotyped role models that were pushed when I was growing up as completely irrelevant. 

Additionally, the myths and ideals in my religion supported gender role reversals and promoted equality and equity, even though early forms of Wicca were locked into the High Priestess and High Priest, Goddess and God kind of binary polarity, and allowed for a structure of initiatory hierarchy to be formulated. That proved to be ultimately untenable and it was the old tropes and patterns being forced onto a new religious system. In the present time, the traditional Witchcraft and coven social structure is being replaced by something that is much more egalitarian, and that is more in keeping with the true spirit of Witchcraft than what was earlier established by Gardner and his followers.

I followed this path of Witchcraft throughout its various winding and twisting and saw it become something of a fully realized mystery religion, and as this creed developed, so did I. I started this path back in the early 1970's, before it became a popular religious movement. It was a time when a few hundred of like-minded individuals would gather together in a park or a campground that included some of the various founders of the later expanding traditions. We were a distinct minority, and we were scattered across the country in communities where we were often few or even alone in our pursuits. Isolation often made us peculiar and insular, and without much of a social world in which to meet and greet others of like mind, we were sometimes loners.

My only regret is that taking such a path, and being judged as one of the Others, also meant that it was more difficult for me to find a mate or achieve a long term relationship. While I may have touched many individuals, and initiated many women into the Craft, I was unable to find anyone who wanted to join their life with mine. I found that women in general were mostly keen to remain part of the mainstream establishment, and that in many ways, they were the ones who enabled and maintained it. Whatever rejection and dismissal I got from mainstream white heterosexual men was amplified by white heterosexual women. I was neither socially attractive, handsome, materially successful, nor was I any kind of alpha male that they would identify as a suitable match. So when it came to pairing up, I was left outside and alone. However, I could talk to my Goddess and felt her love, and as it turned out, love was much more my path than fighting, resistance, or anger and hatred.

Unlike the much talked about Incels of today, I didn’t blame or hate women for my predicament. I saw myself as the source of the problem, and I also understood that I was an undefinable quality as a man because of my involvement in Witchcraft and magic. I took the good along with the bad, and knew that in time, I would find someone, or someone would find me. Meanwhile, I had a lot of magical rituals to develop, and continued to engage with my sparse Pagan and Wiccan community, walking a mostly solitary path in the beginning, but over time, seeing the popularity of my path continue to grow. 

All of these experiences made me realize that I could do nothing more than just be myself. I could assume the persona of the Witch and Ritual Magician in social settings if I chose, or just be neutral and reside in the background, unmolested. This realization certainly was active when I began to be exposed to the Men’s Movement in my circle of Pagans and Witches. I found it to be problematical because it seemed to focus on the old themes of masculinity of the past ages, of the warrior, hunter, provider, father soldier, and the various exponents of paternity that I had originally rejected to be a Witch. These old themes seemed no longer relevant in our post modern world, so I felt that the Men’s Movement was not particularly useful in addressing these issues of role assumption. I think that the only thing a Men’s Movement would be able address, as comically as it would seem, would be the mystery of being gendered a male, but even that seemed overly simplified. Having a dick seemed too basic to make up any kind of religious practice, and considering the complexity of gender and that it was no longer perceived as binary, it also seemed to be irrelevant.

What could we, as men, ascribe to in this post modern world that would truly represent our ability to assume any role needed or desired? Roles that were typically associated with women would be just as appropriate as roles that defined the alpha male in the previous age. What role someone assumed was actually completely flexible and could not be confined by stereotypes or even archetypes. We have entered into a brave new world where any static definition for roles or for one’s identity are too limiting and too restrictive. If we reduce all of the social expectations for roles and eliminate the binary definitions to include any and all possibilities, what we are left with is to just to be whoever and whatever we feel is correct and appropriate, with the idea that we can be flexible and change our role whenever circumstances, situations or internal feelings dictate we should. Our world is constantly changing, and we should understand that nothing is either permanent nor fixed regarding our internal being and our cultural persona. Being inflexible and resistant to change is, in my opinion, a recipe for personal disaster.

In the end, roles are just superficial masks that we wear at the moment, and they cannot either define who we are or reveal our inner souls. We are just individuals, functioning both individually and collectively, and we embody our experiences of life, our relationships to others and ourselves over the long or short course of our life span, and that is all who we are, even at a deep spiritual level. We are a mystery of life and death, and learning to accept that fact is the beginning of wisdom. Our individuality and our fragile human existence is buffeted by change, and we, ourselves, are constantly changing. Nothing is permanent nor eternal in our sphere, and everything is ephemeral. If we seek to be truly free, knowing that nothing stays the same and therefore, too great of an attachment to anything brings with it the sorrow and despair of loss, we can live our lives liberated and even enlightened by this knowledge. We must therefore learn to lightly assume roles, follow our life’s path and be who we are without fear or regret, so that we might by guided by love and compassion for everyone and everything, especially ourselves. 

Frater Barrabas

Breaking Out of the Man Box

For centuries, the definition of manhood occupied a very certain and narrow definition, backed up by social convention, regulated by laws, reinforced by religion, making it clearly an unquestionable quality. Male-ness was defined as a persona of self-control, stoicism, dominance of others (especially women, children, and non-citizens), self-reliance, individualism and an unquestionable adherence to the status quo. Being a man and acting properly also required one to know their place in life, and to acknowledge and obey their betters. Showing emotions and publicly reacting to grief, loss, physical pain, showing sympathy and exercising charity and forgiveness to strangers, and even compassion to transgressors were the kinds of weaknesses that a confident and proper man would avoid like the plague. The only kind of emotion that was not frowned upon was anger, hatred, violence (having a good fight, even with friends), and happiness or contentment. The silent man who did his duty without complaint and who showed no fear or pain, but who maintained his authority and dignity at all times, was the perfect role model of manhood.

Retrospectively, this coded behavior is called today the Man Box, and has a distinct definition for what a man should be like. Here is what Mark Green describes as the Man Box.

“..the Man Box is a set of rigid expectations that define what a ‘real man’ is. A real man is strong and stoic. He doesn’t show emotions other than anger and excitement. He is a breadwinner. He is heterosexual. He is able-bodied. He plays or watches sports. He is the dominant participant in every exchange. He is a firefighter, a lawyer, a CEO. He is a man’s man. And whether or not we’d actually want to spend any time with him, we all know who he is.”

I grew up seeing John Wayne exemplify this kind of ultra masculine persona, as did Sean Connery, Clint Eastwood, Silvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Wesley Snipes and of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger. These were real men, and the rest of us were just trying, more or less, to imperfectly fit into that stereotype. Real men were soldiers, policemen, firemen, lumberjacks, big game hunters, sportsmen, adventurers and mountain climbers, fighter pilots, scuba divers, roughneck builders of skyscrapers, fishermen, explorers, astronauts, wealthy industrialists and popular politicians. 

You were considered a manly man if you performed one of those kinds jobs and was tall, athletic, and well hung. Others deferred to you, and you were considered an alpha male, while the rest were deemed to be lesser men, or beta males. Life was uncomplicated following this code, or so it seemed, and to fit into the definition of an alpha male conferred powers and respect, but it also required extreme self-control. An alpha male who became a drunkard, or engaged in criminal activity, or was found to be gay, or a cross-dresser, would immediately lose his self-respect and status. Being a lesser man also had its costs, since often respect and status were denied someone who was neither overly fit and physically confident or showed the wrong kind of emotions or had the wrong kind of interests. (Yes, that’s me!)

However, all of this began to change during the 1970's with the advent of women’s liberation, and it has continued as women have broken down barriers and gained positions of authority in the workforce. When I started my career in data processing (as it was called then), there were few if any women amongst my colleagues. Women were secretaries, and perhaps worked as computer operators, but men wrote the computer code and ran the businesses. In just a scant twenty years, all that completely changed, and I now work with men and women equally in my IT profession. Because I was never an alpha male, and even became quite an outcast when I got involved in Witchcraft and magic, I seemed to bypass a lot of what I came to see as an artificial and valueless persona or mask, and that what really counted was not how much a man you were, but how much of a human being you were. But that was my experience, yet other men continued down the pathway of finding it more difficult to define themselves in world where the definitions and values were rapidly changing and being socially transformed.

Now in the new millennium, things have changed so much and become so complicated that simple self-definitions can no longer help men to define themselves. The world is no longer binary, consisting of either good or evil, it is mostly just grey. Gender has been shown to be very complex, and the binary representation of yesterday has been replaced with more accurate genetic representation of what it is to be a gendered human being. This is also true for sexuality, since there is now an acceptance of gays and lesbians, as well as other kinds of consensual engagements between adults. Learning to respect how people define themselves, and to ensure that they have the right to express themselves sexually with full consenting participation should be part of the general perspective of being an adult member of our society. It wasn’t that way early in my lifetime, but it should have been if we were promoting freedom and equality for everyone. All of these massive social changes have been met with a certain degree of public rejoicing, but also a sense of fear, confusion and with some, feelings of inadequacy and rejection.  

Those who identify as cis-gender heterosexual men in our post modern western world are generally experiencing a crisis of belief and self-definition because of all these changes. This is particularly true for younger men who are members of the Generations X, Y and Z. They were born into a world that had already changed, and were seeking to define themselves when the values of that self-definition were in a state of flux. It was also a world that was more difficult to be materially successful after assuming a massive education debt, and the loss of jobs and job training for those who were not cut out for college or higher education. It was a world that seemed to offer and promise everything, except the means to realize that promise. A definition of masculinity was always based on exclusive self-worth, status and personal dignity, and these could not easily be achieved if one was not also successful. Often self-worth came from interaction with our peers and authority figures when growing to adulthood, and any kind of continual rejection could doom someone to a life of failure and worthlessness.

I think that the men of the WWII generation and the Boomer generation did not have such a difficult time growing up because the issues of masculinity didn’t exist at that time, and the identity of being a heterosexual male was not facing any of the later massive societal pressures to change. The WWII generation of men were forced by circumstances to take on adult responsibilities as young men, quickly losing their innocence and their youth. There wasn’t any room in their lives, either before the war or even afterwards, for self-reflection or self-doubt. Their movie heros exemplified this kind of mind-state, and all seemed to be simply defined, even though it really wasn’t. In the shadows and behind the social facade lurked other kinds of men, whether of different races, economic status or sexual preferences, but like the emotional state of the manly man, these were intensely suppressed.

Boomers, such as myself, experienced the counter culture and were allowed to break out of the strict definitions of masculinity, to experiment, and to accept and be open to others who were different. Of course that openness didn’t really last, but many people who are older and educated now seem willing to accept these social changes, and in some ways, probably had a hand in making them happen. It was a kind of civil rights for those who were not part of the socially acceptable heterosexual mind-set. We were fortunate that we had the time to seemingly gradually change and accept a greater degree of freedom and acceptance of people who were not like the majority, but who included friends, children, and relatives, which were the kind of close associations impossible to reject. Over time we learned to accept these differences, and even encourage their expression.

Still, we had this media display that was ever saturated with uber masculine figures who functioned as vigilante loners, who through their power and single-mindedness, were able to exact justice and revenge. Comic book heroes were defined this way, and so were the heroes of movies, video shows, games, anime and cartoons. Violence and destruction were lionized, and those who tried to mitigate the injustice or succumbed to self-pity or self-abuse were considered weak, cowardly, and doomed. They were the victimized losers. Evil forces were clearly defined as the ubiquitous “Other” or were from inimical governments, or even our own government or deep-state. While such displays of masculinity were quite popular in my age, and even before (my parents’ age), not matching up with the ultra-masculine role model was not considered a big deal. We liked these ideals, played around with them, but we knew that they were fictional and impossible to fully assume. Those who tried would self-destruct, and we were told that true heroes did their jobs without any thought of being heroic or famous - that was for movie stars, politicians, televangelist minsters, and rock stars. The rest of us were okay just being who we were and trying to live our lives the best we could, knowing that we would never measure up to the heroic masculine ideal. Even though the Man Box still had a compelling hold on the masculine identity all throughout this time, yet the age of Hippies and later, Disco, seemed to mitigate it somewhat.

That was then, and a massively changed social world is what it is now. I got to see it change during my lifetime, but I also had the time to change with it. Not everyone was as open minded as I have been about gender and sexuality, and I knew from my experiences that there were individuals who were stuck in the past and who rejected the changes that were happening in our culture. These were individuals who were socially conservative, deeply religious and who believed that their religious based definition of the roles assumed by men and women were ordained by God to be what they have always been. Those who acted outside of these ordained norms or were their spoke-persons (Liberal Elite) were the hosts of Sodom and Gomorrah, blighted by sin, and seeking to unleash a diabolic evil in our nation. These individuals were the carriers of a highly restrictive and repressive definition of gender and sexuality, and they brought these beliefs from the WWI generation, through the Boomers and into the present age, particularly to the members of Generation X. 

Typically, religious extremists would represent a kind of crackpot belief system that most would deride and then ignore, if it were not for other forces that have seized our economic world order. These forces can be traced to the emerging and powerful oligarchy that has all-but eliminated the possibility of economic mobility and the personal achievement of material success - a hallmark of our nation called the American Dream. It started in the 1980's with Ronald Reagan and the conservative wave that was popularized in that time, to run counter to the counter culture that was retreating. It became ever more powerful in the 1990's, with the ascending popularity of the religious right, and in the 21st century it was fully active as a fascistic form of Christian Nationalism. Yet this ultra conservative movement hid a sinister truth, and that is that those who were funding and promoting this ideology were the ultra-wealthy and connected, newly realized oligarchy. High tech spawned a group of mostly men who became fabulously wealthy, and what helped them achieve that was Reagan’s tax breaks for the rich and a supposed trickle-down philosophy that said the rich would benefit the middle class. Of course, that was all a deceitful line of propaganda, and the reality was that opportunity and taxation based redistribution began to disappear altogether.

Culture wars hid the truth of what was happening, focusing people on divisive ideology while the ultra-wealthy changed the laws to exclusively benefit them. Reduced taxes for the rich meant that there was no longer money for education, social services, infrastructure, and affordable housing and a job that provided a sustainable and livable source of income. These were all things that I was given when I legally became an adult. That was the world that I was born into. It wasn’t perfect, but a person could survive, even comfortably, if they worked hard and lived an honest life. There have always been wealthy individuals and privileged generations born into wealth, but the tax rate in the 1950's and 1960's ensured that high earners had their wealth redistributed to worthy social causes. That changed in the 1980's with the Reagan revolution. Now, the promises of getting a good education, finding a job that can readily support a family, being able to buy a home or find affordable housing have become less likely, opening up a chasm of debt, obstruction and limited possibilities.

Of course, the women’s liberation movement matured and brought women into the workplace, feminist activism was instrumental in changing the perception of discriminated and marginalized groups, such as members of the LGBTQ community and minority women. Women saw the opportunities inherent in the changing demographics of the workplace and sought higher education and therefore, greater status and better productive roles in society. The “Me Too” movement in the early 2000's brought a stark focus on the all-too common occurrence of women who experience sexual assault and how society as a whole have ignored their plight until now. That produced a movement for social change and placed extreme pressures on the male psyche, but for good reasons. Still, someone who is better educated and more experienced about the world will likely have a liberal or at least moderate political perspective, and young women today are exceedingly bright, well educated, upwardly mobile and very liberal, despite the effects of the ascending power of the oligarchy.

Since I was witnessing these changes from a perspective of being established in my career and economic status, I thought that the old model of the Man Box was finally going away. I had involuntarily opted out when I became a Witch and a practitioner of ritual magic, so I had very little invested in that way of thinking about masculinity. I welcomed the changes and looked forward to the opportunities brought on by the ending of a regressive social theme that had plagued so many men for so long. However, I was so dead wrong about that being the case, because young men were not experiencing the same upward ascent that young women were experiencing. I had missed out on that other perspective, although I had observed more young men saying things and acting in ways that should have clued me in regarding what was really going down.

Young men generally have a different story from young women, and that is one of decline. Women are going to universities in record numbers, and achieving graduate degrees, while men are conversely declining in numbers in these same institutions. Not everyone is cut out for college, and in my day there were trade schools that could nearly guarantee a good paying job once one graduated. There were also union apprenticeships, and entry level factory or construction work. Those jobs and their associated training regimens have largely disappeared. What is left are low paying jobs in various shops and stores, repair facilities, small businesses and fast food stores. Factories have become highly automated or have moved overseas to take advantage of low paying workers. Many of these low paying jobs force competition between native locals and immigrants. I have heard and met young men who had to live with their parents after getting or failing to get an expensive but worthless college degree. 

For a man, self-esteem and status are still based almost entirely on material success, and not having the right kind of education or experience will doom someone to a lower economic status. The contrast between successful and upwardly mobile women and men who are experiencing a downward economic trend could not be more stark in our current society. This is a phenomenon that seems to be occurring in many parts of the world at the same time. Also, less education breeds a susceptibility to conspiracy theories, propaganda, urban myths, and can produce a counter dialogue fed by discontent and anger at the status quo. Throw in the factor of the internet, mass-misinformation, and addictive gaming activities thereby creating a population of isolated and disadvantaged young men, and the lack of success either with basic economics or with the opposite sex, and you have the essence of the current crisis facing young men. 

What that crisis is causing is a blow-back of anger and resentment at the establishment, a desire to identify with the old trope of the Man Box, and a superficial adherence to Christian Nationalism promoting the overthrow of our constitutional republic and its associated liberal social conscience for a strongman led autocracy. In that world, somehow, the economic and social wrongs that have afflicted young white cis-gender heterosexual men will be overcome, and the old ways of manly men will be restored. Trump, of course, is the figurehead for this backlash, and it is fueled by the anger and the fear of a diminishing world of possibilities and the ending of white privilege. Of course these are the lies and propaganda spread by the ascending fascist political movement, and they hide the real villains, who are the ultra-wealthy oligarchs. The old ways won’t come back, and nothing will rescue the afflicted young men, because the oligarchs are planning for a reversal of the modern FDR-based social contract to create a servant class, and those on the bottom will remain on the bottom. As long as everyone continues to buy and consume on some level, the rich will remain rich - or so they think. The middle class made the oligarchs rich beyond their wildest dreams, and if the middle class falls, then the wealthy will ultimately fall as well.

So what do we do about this huge crisis? Part of the problem is economic, part of it is social, and another part of it is the phenomenon of the internet creating social isolation. If you don’t meet and talk to friends in public settings, it can make a person callous, and socially insensitive and blind to other people’s feelings. What is needed is a counter dialogue telling young men about who the real enemy of the people are and who are their backers, and focus their anger in a constructive manner. The solution is to vote those who back the oligarchy out of power and to aggressively reject them. Their solutions and promises are all lies and deceit, and the sooner the internet media starts calling them for what they are, the sooner the first stages of the fix will occur. 

We need job programs and training, incentives for new technologies that solve social and climate issues, and the creation of new good paying jobs. We need affordable housing, better systems of social assistance and psychological counseling open to everyone, and universal healthcare. Maybe some kind of universal basic income as well to mitigate low wages. To pay for all of these expanded social programs we will tax the fuck out of the rich - make the oligarchs pay for it all. We should create a movement to bring young men out of their man-caves and into the public sphere, and we should build free public places for young people to safely congregate and socialize. It can be done, but first we have to put the squeeze on the ultra-wealthy and make them, and their crony corporations, pay their fair share of taxes. I envision a level of taxation to be similar if not greater than what is being done in Europe. Do we want a satisfactory public life with all kinds of amenities? Then we need a tax base to make that happen. The oligarchs have been given a free ride for too long, and to forestall the collapse of the middle class and the end of our vibrant and progressive culture, we as a collective group need to act.

There is hope for a better society, and hope that the current Man Box counter revolution can be safely and peacefully ended once and for all. It takes reaching out and communicating to young people, and to speak truth to power, and truth to lies, deception and social evils. Ending the oligarchy in this nation will open the gates to a brave new world, one where the issues of the day can be resolved by collective effort and a realization that we need to act and vote to further our economic interests, and to cut conservative religion movements completely out of politics once and for all.

Here is the silver lining (also from Mark Green):

“In a time of social and economic upheaval, what may seem like  a raft of challenges for men and women actually represents a vast landscape of opportunity. The Man Box’s promise of economic security in exchange for social conformity is crumbling. Pension funds are collapsing. Jobs are gone overseas. Where there once was a promise of career security there is now none. The cheese that baited the Man Box trap is gone.

Into the vacuum of these broken social contracts, a new breed of men and women are emerging. Among these are men who work as full time parents. Men who take joy in supporting their families emotionally as well as financially. Men who are struggling to end the rigid gender roles that our culture continues to force on their sons and daughters. Men who express gender in much more diverse ways.”

  
Frater Barrabbas

Traditional Witchcraft and #MeToo

I have been involved in Traditional Witchcraft for around 45 years, and I have seen this tradition in many various social climates. In the sixties and seventies, Witchcraft was part of the so called sexual revolution; in the eighties and nineties, Witchcraft functioned as the foundation of liberalism, feminism and freedom of religion. As part of the New Age Pagan movement, it seemed that Traditional Witchcraft (those that trace their roots to Old Gerald) represented something of a modern liberal and egalitarian social revolution, whereby the old Christian modes of gender based thinking and societal norms were finally being surmounted. I have lived long enough in the Witchcraft tradition to see it evolve and move towards these stated ideals, and in some cases, this is so. However, as an insider, I also must recognize and acknowledge the dark truths about modern Witchcraft. It is those truths which run contrary to what is formally stated as the modus operandi of the Craft.

During this past tumultuous year of the Donald Trump presidency, strident and overt chauvinism and racism have become part of the mainstream of accepted Conservative social norms. However, despite that event, and perhaps in a fitting resistance to it, many women have become vocal about the harassment, coercion and sexual assaults perpetrated by men in various social settings, whether personal, religious or professional. The hashtag #MeToo revealed that nearly every woman has experienced harassment, coercion or sexual assault in some manner during her life, and in some cases, repeatedly so. Some very powerful individuals in the media, business and politics have been brought down in disgrace due to the social movement and revelation of the indignities and tragic circumstances that women have had to endure simply because the men in power crossed a line or demanded sexual favors. This is nothing new.  As the stories have unfolded, we have learned that many have been complicit or known about it in some form or another for decades.

Hollywood, in particular, has had quite a sinister dark underbelly when it comes to this kind of phenomenon. It was and is a very ugly and evil situation, but our masculine dominated culture of white male privilege has made it a thing, at least until now. The social backlash is regrettable, certainly, since anyone who is accused should be given an opportunity to defend themselves, but it is also true that women have been silently taking this abuse for a long time, and now they have come out to speak their truth. The least we can do is to listen and understand.

However, Hollywood is far away from the covens and practitioners of Traditional Witchcraft, but here, too, there have been abuses. I have often heard of them in the quiet complaints of fellow women practitioners and have even witnessed them occurring, when I was not in a position to do anything about it. This behavior is built into our culture, and there are some traditions that are practiced in the Craft that make them more than likely to occur. Perhaps the most blatant of these potential areas of abuse is the requirement for nudity or Skyclad participation in the covenstead praxis. Now, don’t get me wrong, I find sacral nudity to be a special sacred occurrence, but it can all too easily become an invitation for an unwanted sexual advance or interest, particularly on the part of the male practitioner. If a covenstead has a strong and fair minded High Priestess, and a High Priest who is truly her support and uncorrupted by the power or politics of his role then the coven will be a safe place for women and men to gather together to worship and work magic. The intimacy will cut both ways, making everyone equally vulnerable and empowered. A good High Priestess will have a very low tolerance for harassment or coercion, and her High Priest will be a role model of social fairness and compassion.

After all these years as a functioning Witch, I have found that the best High Priest is one who is gay. Some might find this quite ironic, considering the onerous prejudice given to gay men and lesbian women in the Traditional Witchcraft movement.  That is no longer an issue today, but it was for many years. A good High Priest is one who doesn’t need to prove his manhood or assert his privileged gender by dominating others. That dominance, the associated social corruption and the magical will-to-power is one of the dark secrets of the brotherhood of High Priests. It is a seductive force that can beguile and delude what would ordinarily be a good High Priest. It is a temptation that all coven High Priests must successfully resist and even mindfully de-energize, since to fall to that temptation can produce a very tragic and even criminal social situation. Rape culture dominates our social world, so we must be conscious and aware of how we are relating to women in a coven where sacral nudity is the accepted norm.

There is an adage that middle aged men who are High Priests or practicing Pagan leaders seem to find a way to position themselves as the sexual gate-keepers for higher initiation, magical powers and knowledge. They become instead highly negative obstacles to further growth and spiritual evolution. And once this powerful potion has been drunk, there sometimes seems to be no bottom to the level of corruption that one can achieve. Our Pagan and Wiccan community is rocked from time to time when a leader is discovered to be a sexual predator, taking advantage of the young, inexperienced and most vulnerable members of our community. We are shocked and revolted by the discovery of this behavior, but few can admit that it is baked into the movement. There are indeed stellar members of our community. These men represent the best of a received and understood feminism; they practice social equality and mentorship, having achieved this by overcoming the alluring potential to harass, coerce and even to sexually assault others.

What must happen now is for all of us to admit that such a situation is a possible trap due to the practices of Traditional Witchcraft. This is particularly true with the assumption of positions of authority without any kind of accountability, the social setting of sacral nudity and the necessity of a male to female relationship, and the female to male relationship that is required for initiation and advancement. The sexual nature of the practices and the initiations would seem to be very tempting to those who are weak willed when it comes to sexual temptation or who see themselves as singularly empowered and unchecked. I think that to make Traditional Witchcraft safe for the most vulnerable adherents it is necessary for there to be absolutely zero tolerance for any kind of unwanted or unprovoked sexual advance. The High Priestess and High Priest must set the tone for the conduct of the coven, and that any kind of contact should be consensual and transparently co-equal. I think that making Skyclad rituals less the norm and making the sexual nature of the initiations to be more voluntarily symbolic and token rather than an expected outcome would also help to restore equality to the covenstead. Accountability should be enforced for everyone and perhaps even more importantly, the role of High Priestess and High Priest should be temporary and rotated rather than a permanent avocation.

In my opinion, the single greatest temptation inherent in Traditional Witchcraft is the power assumed by its coven leaders. Social power in a group that is not accountable or transparently applied to everyone equally allows the High Priestess or the High Priest to assume a level of dominance that can only lead to tragedy, unless they are also socially and spiritually evolved. I believe that diminishing the power of the High Priestess and the High Priest and making them merely roles in the group that could be assumed by others, would go a long way to eliminating the temptation to sexually exploit people. You could say that what I am proposing would be to basically demolish the hierarchical foundation of Traditional Witchcraft, and you would be correct. I think that this reformation is long overdue.

In talking about this social issue, I will won’t be judgmental or sanctimonious to anyone who has either enabled this kind of behavior or who felt themselves tempted to take advantage of a situation. I am guilty of both of these actions. Still, I have avoided engaging in gratuitous exploitation of those who have given me their trust as a teacher and a leader. I have always had limits to what I was willing to do. Perhaps I too easily feel the pain and hurt of others.

Since I have been involved in the tradition of Witchcraft for over four decades I have seen this situation play out again and again. I have seen scandals erupt and then sadly read the reports of those who were hurt and damaged by the egotistic behavior of men who should have known better, but who succumbed to the oldest kind of corruption – the will-to-power over others. This phenomenon will continue to happen again and again, over and over, until the very root that is causing this problem is finally eradicated from the tradition altogether. I am hoping that this evolution in Traditional Witchcraft will finally occur so that we can at least say that our covensteads are safe places for everyone to gather, and that the ubiquitous hashtag of #MeToo can be said to be something that happens outside of our tradition and not within it.

Frater Barrabbas